This is a post that is one that i really didn't want to write. It brings so much sadness and emotions in me.
The one thing that I miss more than anything in this world is the relationship that i used to have with my mother. She was the loud mom who everyone loved and always wanted to be around. We went EVERYWHERE together and there wasn't a thing we couldn't tell each other. Even at the age of 18 I would still lay in bed with her at night, she would tickle my back, play with my hair and we would just talk until I went to sleep.
My mother got sick right before I got married. She was diagnosed with
rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia, an issue with her parathyroid so she had to have it removed, diabetes,
chronic fatigue syndrome, and the biggest
cirrhosis of the liver. I know most of you see cirrhosis the liver and you think oh she was an alcoholic, however this is not the case. My mother has never been a drinker and really never even drank socially. My mother is kind of a medical mystery. They aren't sure why she feels the way she does, and why all of these symptoms are happening to her. She has
several physicians she sees to help control her pain. She lives in a constant world of pain, she is always tired, she can barley move without feeling uncomfortable, and gets sick at the drop of a dime due to her compromised immune system.
Its hard on me knowing that I will never ever have the mother I once did. I feel like at days I dont even have a mother because of her sickness. It takes a very big emotional toll on me and I really try not to express is it anyone. I get mad, upset, sad, and angry with her status. I often ask why? why her? why did this happen to my mom? Its one thing to have always lived with a parent or loved one like this, but for this to happen suddenly its like why did you have to take my mother away? Shes not herself anymore and it really hurts. Okay so enough of the depressing post, but that is something that I do miss.
