Prayers

Okay so a while back my mom was diagnosed with some pretty severe illness', one which is supposed to leave her basically crippled. Before I got married, I thought my mom would be in a wheelchair and that was 3.5 years ago. She is ALWAYS proving people wrong, and fighting with everything she has. But now Im getting to a point where Im thinking how much longer can she do this?

When I got pregnant with Audree my whole life was flooded with every different emotion a person can have. Not only was I thrilled to death to be having a wonderful blessing from God, but I was also scared that my mom would not live to see her grow. She was diagnosed with Stage 4 primary bilary cirrohsis of the liver. My mom doesn't even DRINK!!! They said at this point in time she will eventually need a liver transplant. I got down, she got down, BUT she has once again fought through that!

As the weeks and months go by she continues to go down hill. Last Friday we were shopping at Kohls, and she as hurting so bad. In fact, it got SO bad my stepdad had to take her to ER. They ran a lot of tests and did cat scans, etc. The results came back..her spleen is englarged and this is what is causing most of the pain. Usually in a case like this, they would remove your spleen and you would go on your way. HOWEVER, my mother isn't an ANY health to go under and have another organ removed. So they are having to discuss other options at this point in time. THe scan also showed that she has some fluid around her heart, her liver is getting worse, she has several masses on it, but they do NOT know what they are, the blood supply in her liver is being cut off, she has some fibroid tumors on her ovaries, etc. I mean the list just goes on and on and on and on. My mother is not old by any means!! SHE IS ONLY IN HER LATE 40's!

Last night I laid in bed saying my prayers and had a breakdown. I haven't had too many breakdowns about my mother, because well in my mind she is SUPER MOM who can do anything and everything. BUT.... reality is starting to hit me. Im scared that at 23 I will not have a mother around much longer. Im scared that my hero, will be gone. Im scared of how would I live without my mom. Im scared that my daughter will never know the woman who taught me everything I know. I seriously do not know how i would go on with my life without my mother. We talk everyday SEVERAL times a day! Even when we argue, we can't stand mad at each other for long. I got out of bed last night and called my mom because I couldn't sleep until I spoke to her. My stepdad answered and I cried my eyes out to him. I just kept saying I dont want God to take my mommy from me. I need her, I need her, I need her. After he calmed be down, I wanted my mom. She got on the phone and I cried to her. BUT once she started talking to me, I felt like everything was okay. She told me she was strong, she is going to fight like hell through this, and she isn't going anywhere. Thats what I needed to hear, I needed to hear my mom say I CAN DO THIS, I CAN WIN THIS BATTLE! After we hung up, I went into Audree's room, picked her up from her crib and cried with her in my arms. I never ever knew how much a mother's love could have on a child. I now know FIRST hand what it means.

My mother is such a role model to me. She raised my brother and I without the help of anyone else. (well my dad was there, but they were divorced). She was ALWAYS by our side and ALWAYS encouraged us to do the things we wanted to do. She NEVER once missed one of my cheerleading competitions and games! In fact, when I did pee wee cheer she was even the head coach for our team. I know when I was a teenager I gave my mom a run for her money, but overall I turned out to be a DAMN good daughter.

My mom is my strength, my rock, my best friend. We tell each other everything and I feel like she knows me better than anyone else in this world. All I can do it to continue to pray to God, and ask him to please get my mom through this. Nobody is ready for her to go anywhere.

All I ask of you is to please keep my mom in your prayers.